Remember Who You Are
no more shrinking in rooms you already belong in
I’m learning to pause and remind myself just how dope I really am. Not in a bragadocious kind of way but in a “girl, stop playing small” kind of way.
And I know some of you out there are the same way. You’ve done big things, been in big spaces, know people who do it big, and you’re right there alongside them but for some reason you don’t view yourself in the same manner.
You think, “Wow, I can’t believe I met so and so,” or, “OMG, I’m sitting next to such and such,” or even, “I’m pitching my little business to this company next week.”
You don’t view yourself big-ly. Why?
For me, there are a couple of reasons.
It was enforced that humble is the only way to be but on the same hand, confidence was not taught. This led to me acting as if my achievements have meant little. My thoughts now: there is a huge difference between being humble, meek, and self-assured. I could stand to be more self-assured.
I haven’t yet achieved what I thought I would by this point in my life. This has led to discontent and disappointment. My thoughts now: life has been wild and unpredictable and sis, you control NOTHING. You’ve done what you could with the cards you were given and you’ve done great.
For example, I once attended the Coretta Scott King Brunch at the American Library Association conference and I sat in thee front at the same table as people who worked at Random House and my inner voice had the nerve to whisper, “Well, I’m just a small publisher. I can’t hold a candle to Random House because they’re a Big Five Publishing House.”
The truth was, “I am a publisher.” Period.
I’ve brought stories to life that the same big publisher would’ve overlooked.
I’ve guided authors from raw idea to polished manuscript.
I’ve edited, designed, formatted, marketed, and published books that didn’t exist before I touched them.
I’ve made dreams come true.
That’s not small work - that’s BIG work.
For some reason, we tend to think that because we haven’t hit a specific milestone, that big deal, number, or that big recognition, that somehow what we’ve done doesn’t count. Or it doesn’t count enough.
But friend, it counts. Every late night, every creative risk, every leap of faith. It all counts.
We tend to shrink a little when we’re in certain rooms. Not because we don’t think we belong, but because we forget that we already earned our seat.
Please note: you’re doing amazing things, building something from scratch, balancing a dozen roles, and still living life while life lifes.
From this point forward, let’s remember we are dynamic - not because of who we sit next to, but because of who we already are.
And as a small tidbit, those who have achieved less than you are out here getting your gigs/jobs/whatever, all because they never even thought to believe they didn’t belong in the seat that was supposed to be for you.
Cori is always down to tell a story, eat a sweet and spicy pickle, or chew gum (not necessarily in that order). She is the author of Black women’s fiction under the pen name of Chichima Cherry and the author of the Curiously Cara African Queens children’s books series under the pen name of Karen Mae.