I've been playing around with this idea of becoming a soft girlie. I even used to make short social media videos about it. I’d be like, “This is me when my husband retires me early.”
I imagined myself reading all day, watching TV, drinking coffee, and just living my best life.
But then I got pregnant and now I’m on maternity leave. I took six months off, and two months into it, I'm sitting here wondering, “Why I don’t feel like a soft girl.”
I mean, I’m not working and other than taking care of my newborn I’ve been chilling. But something still doesn’t feel soft.
I’m not a girly girl who is all about cute outfits, flawless makeup, waking up whenever I feel like, and spa days on repeat. That lifestyle doesn’t feel realistic for someone like me, a 40 something mom with a full time job, husband and 3 kids ranging from infant to 21.
But even so, I’m still drawn to the aesthetic. So I decided to just figure out how to incorporate soft girl life into my life.
When I sat down to do so I realized I have 3 personal barriers to soft girl life that are all a part of my core identity.
1. I need to contribute. I can't just sit back and let life happen around me. That is not how I grew up.
2. I don't like being idle. Doing nothing makes me bored and when I’m bored I lose creativity. Which leads me to #3.
3. I need to be creative. If I'm not creating something then my mind is in a bad headspace. And don’t nobody wanna be in that place
So I asked myself four questions to help me redefine the soft girl aesthetic in a way that fits my real life:
1. What do I like to do?
2. What do I like to see?
3. How do I like to feel?
4. What do I like to hear?
Knowing what I like to do helps me choose relaxing activities that I actually enjoy.
Knowing what I like to see, like fresh flowers or a tidy space, keeps my visual vibe soft and peaceful.
Thinking about how I like to feel helps me decide what emotional state I want to stay in during the day. Calm and collected? Rough and tough?
And what I like to hear might be affirmations, music, or even just 15 minutes of quiet.
Once I answered those, I came up with a list of soft-life things I’ve done in the past or want to try-one new thing per week, stacking as I go.
Here’s what I have so far, enough to take me through the rest of my maternity leave:
1. Yoga
2. Meditation
3. Prayer
4. Journaling
5. Walking or Swimming
6. Writing
7. Stretching
8. Light Exercise
9. Puzzling
10. Makeup
11. Get dressed (finding new clothes that fit my style)
12. Celebrate accomplishments
13. Pilates
14. Read
15. 15 minutes of quiet time
16. 15 minutes of ratchet music
I may be overthinking this but I don’t even care. I’m determined to enjoy this. Wish me luck! And if this speaks to you, come along with me. We can figure out what a soft life looks like for us together.
Or just follow along by subscribing and following. I’m also on IG, TikTok and YouTube @corieverafter
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Cori is always down to tell a story. She is the author of Black women’s fiction under the pen name of Chichima Cherry, and the author of the Curiously Cara African Queens children’s books series, under the pen name of Karen Mae.